forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
