Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
