I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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