I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
