i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
