What did we do last night that was yellow?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
