I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I look better un-naked...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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