I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
