He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
