Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i used baking grease as lip gloss
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
