i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
