You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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