Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
