I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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