Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
