Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
