this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize