Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
