I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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