i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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