More tranny stories later!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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