just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
