we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
