He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I could fuck to npr.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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