Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
