I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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