I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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