I think i peed on brittanys purse
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
