I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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