If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
