Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
