Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize