It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
