Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
