And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
