I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
