i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
