the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this will be a night to untag.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
