Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I need mimosas to revive my soul
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
