I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
