We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
