I think my vagina is haunted
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
