i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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