Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
