So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
