thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
