My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
