i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
