My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
