my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
