You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
