I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I lost the right to judge tonight
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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