oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
