we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
