But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
