I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize