He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
