Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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