Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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