How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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