Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
