Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize